When the Stars Go Blue
by wistfuldreamer86
Summary: AU: Broken by mistakes of the past that haunt her, Haley goes to Savnnah to start a new life and the person she turns to is someone she barely knows. Jake accepts Haley as she is in doing so gives her new faith in life and love.
1. Always Blue

**Author: **wistfuldreamer86

**Disclaimer:** I do not own OTH or the WB.

**Summary:** Haley moved to Georgia long ago to escape her mistakes, but the past still haunts her twenty years later.

**Location:** Savannah, Georgia

**Setting:** This is an AU piece. Haley still left Nathan and Tree Hill, but instead of going on tour with Chris Kellar, she went to Georgia. Jake never came back to Tree Hill. So he was never with Peyton and Nikki never found him. Set in the distant future with flashbacks.

**Author's Note:** The characters may seem strange. Not quite how they really are, but it's how I see them given these circumstances. This is my first Jake/Haley fic so I hope you enjoy it. If you read please review.

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**Chapter I: Always Blue**

"_Dancing where the stars go blue. _

_Dancing where the evening fell."_

_When the Stars go Blue_

Slow circles. Turn to the right, swirl around. The white dress covering Haley's body spun out, like a flower around her waist. White, shimmering lace falling around her short legs. Glowing in the moonlight. The moon bouncing in and out of the barely visible clouds above. Outlined in silver. Elusive sky, never able to be reached; only seen. Everyone up there, dancing among the stars. Winking down at her.

She sighed into the wind, letting it caress her face lightly. Warm and scented by magnolias. Her favorite flower. Had been for years now. Never remembering a time before the summer was tinted with its seductive scent. Tickling the sensitive flesh of her nose. She had come to Georgia on a night like this. A night so very long ago….

"_What are you doing here, Haley?" Jake's eyebrows lowered, sitting quietly together, in surprise._

"_Had Georgia on my mind," she replied nonchalantly. She lifted her lonely suitcase up a little, pulling it closer to her chest. It was old, beaten by years of use. _

"_How did you find me?" He pressed to the side of the door, blocking her from entering. Or seeing inside. At his life. Keeping her out. _

"_Peyton…said you went to stay with your cousin. I….looked up his last name, there were five of you in the book. This is the second house I've been to." _

"_She told you?" _

"_In passing…a long time ago. After Nikki left Tree Hill."_

"_She left?" _

"_Yeah…don't worry. She doesn't know where you are." She wanted him to ask her in. Invite her into his home. Into his life. She needed someone who didn't know her. Really know her. Who she had been or who she was now. A lost girl. A girl who made mistakes. A girl who just wanted to rest her head on a friendly pillow. A pillow without memories. Or regrets. Or shame. _

"_Okay…" he studied her pale face. She looked different than when he had left Tree Hill. Her hair was lighter. Streaks of blonde highlights going across it. Her face felt smaller. More gaunt. Her cheekbones more prominent. The innocence that used to fill her face gone. Haunted eyes full of sadness and shame. "Why are you here?" He repeated his original question. _

_She sighed, she could never escape the questions. Why she left Nathan. Why she kissed Chris Kellar. Why she said she was going on tour. Why she ended up here instead. How she could hurt everyone who loved her. Why she hadn't called anyone in four weeks. Why she was standing on the doorstep of a near stranger. A boy she had known all her life. But had never really talked to. Always a shadow. Never a figure she studied. "I don't know…" Honesty. She had been making excuses to herself for weeks. Excuses to everyone else. But now came the honesty. There was no answer. "I wish I did."_

_He cocked his head to the side. He believed her. She had never been a liar. Not that he knew of anyway. They had gone to school together for years. It was always distant, never personal. Now she was here. On his doorstep. With a ratty, old black suitcase. Alone. He didn't know what to say. So he just waited. Knowing that any moment she'd continue. _

"_I don't expect you to take me in." She began slowly, her words slipping off her tongue into the early summer heat. "I was just passing through town and…was hoping, for a night, you could take in a straggler." _

"_Of course, you can stay the night, but…why are you alone?"_

_She should have expected that. When he left she had been deeply in love with Nathan. In a crazy, reckless way. To the point that she married him on a whim. A whim she was still paying for months later. "With..Nathan..it's…" It was never easy to say it. To face her decisions. "Over." _

"_Why?" Her face wasn't the face of someone who was devastated. It was calm. Matter-of-fact._

"_Everyone was right." She smiled sheepishly, "We were too young. Too inexperienced. Too different. We had a good relationship…but getting married was a mistake." Cold. She sounded so heartless. _

"_Haley…" He shifted, feeling her pain. A pain he had felt when things with Nikki had fizzled. "I'm sorry." The worst thing to say. It never helped. But it was all he could say. Shock. He had never expected it. _

"_Don't be," By now she was willing to admit her faults. Her missteps. "It was my fault. I let him down. I left him for someone else. For my music." _

"_Oh," It was the only word that filled his mind. _

"_You know…when you first fall for someone you think it's going to last forever. I only gave it three months. I jumped into marriage too quickly. Then when someone else came into my life that inspired me…I proved to be fautlty." Why had it gotten so easy to say this? To take responsibility. Maybe because everyone had blamed her. Were probably still blaming her. "I lied too. I told everyone I was going on tour, but I'm not."_

"_That's…a lot to process." He shook his head, taking in her words. _

"_I know, I just wanted to be honest. I came here….looking for something. Someone familiar, but not close."_

_He stared at her for a long time. He knew he should find fault in the girl standing on his porch. But everyone made mistakes. He had made his share. She wasn't hiding from them. She was just asking to be accepted despite everything that happened. "Come in…"_

She opened her eyes, letting the memory soak through her brain. She had never been able to leave Savannah. Despite her claim it was for a night. Only a night. A night that has expanded into twenty years. Years filled with heartache, pain, joy, forgiveness. Learning to live again. To breathe again. She looked up at the stars through half closed eyes until the balls of fire turned blue. A vibrant blue. The stars hadn't looked this beautiful in years…

"_Ever hear that song…" her voice was lazy, full of Georgia summer. Sweet summer. _

"_What song?" He turned his head toward her, rustling the checkered blanket they were laying on. _

"_My song, 'When the Stars Go Blue'," She hadn't thought of that song in so long. Of singing in so long. She had been living with Jake, Jenny, and his cousin for two months now. She almost had enough money to rent a place of her own. _

"_That was you, huh?" Her eyes sparked in the starlight. Tugging at his heart. An attraction he had been fighting since she had stepped onto his porch. She was fragile. Reckless. Chaotic. She wasn't the Haley James of Tree Hill. She was someone else. Someone who lived in the stars. Without dreams. Just moving. Always moving. But at the same time standing. Staying. _

"_Yeah," she smiled into the starlight. Letting it melt into her face. "Well I was looking…at the stars and I was thinking…are they ever blue?"_

_He laughed. Deep. Loud. "Maybe if you squint her eyes really hard together they could turn blue." _

"_Wanna try?" She bit her cheek, forcing her dimples to show. Dimples that used to fill her face so easily now hidden. She didn't wait for an answer, but squeezed her eyes together until everything shifted. Became unfocused. The stars were blue. "They are," she said quietly, not wanting to break the color filling her eyes. _

"_I don't see it," His voice was warm. Like his heart. Filling up with the blue fire that he could see falling into her doe eyes. She was care free. Child-like in her wonder. At the same time hard. Haunted. Full of past mistakes. Not once had he thought ill of her because of what happened. She was barely seventeen. She had a lifetime to make up for it. And more mistakes to make. _

"_You have to unfocus your eyes," her eyes began to ache from straining so long so she released them. The stars becoming white-silver once again. _

"_It's not…wait…I see it," Discovery. She always made him see something new. Unexpected. Like her, showing up. Being so different. Less serious. But more serious at the same time. An enigma. _

"_It's beautiful," she laughed. Tinkling in the dry air. She stood up, swept the mosquitos off her face, and walked over to Jenny. Fast asleep. Her chubby cheeks rosy from the heat. Sweet. Delicate. Innocent. "Your daddy and I saw the stars go blue," she said softly, for her their ears only. "I'll tell you about it someday," _

_He watched Haley bend over and tell Jenny a secret. One she'd never tell him. Everything she told Jenny was personal. That's what she always said. She was good with Jenny. Kind. Gentle. "We should get her inside," _

_She picked up the carrier Jenny was laying in and gently rocked her as she walked with Jake to the house. They had been in a nearby park. It was safe. Friendly. "'Dancing when the starts go blue, dancing as the evening fell.'" She sang for the first time in months. She smiled at Jake as he put his hand on her back. _

"Mom, what are you doing out here?"

Haley turned, her thoughts breaking. "Hey sweetie, just looking at the stars."

"Have they gone blue yet?" Her daughter teased. Wide grin. Just like her father's.

"They're always blue," she looked up, "You just have to know how to look at them."

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	2. Deepest Cut

**Disclaimer: **I don't own OTH, obviously.

**A/N: **Sorry it took me so long to post this chapter, I had it written out, but I was debating on whether or not to add more to this. I ultimately decided not to, so expect just one more chapter after this. Hope you all enjoy the next chapter as much as the first.

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**Chapter II: Deepest Cut**

"_Where do you go when you're lonely, _

_Where do you go when you're blue?"_

_ When the Stars Go Blue_

Did you love him? Everyone always asked her that. She would never answer. No one understood. They never did. The question always brought pain. A deep pain that had never healed. It wasn't the question. Just the memory. Of that first time. That first confession. That first seed of doubt. Nothing had been the same after that…nothing.

"_I love you," She said quietly. The words hanging in the stars above them. Six months. She had been here six months. A lifetime ago. She had been a different person then. Bitter. Self-loathing. Unforgiving. A shell of her former self. The Haley that had existed in Tree Hill. The Haley that never went back. Never looked back. He had taught her about forgiveness. About giving. Sacrifice. Love. When it had happened, she didn't know. Maybe that night under the stars when they had gone blue. With Nathan everything had made sense. They were together and she waited. Waited for him to say it. Always doubting them. But with Jake…she never had. _

"_What?" He gaped. Her words hitting him in the stomach. Words he had never expected to hear. He looked at Jenny curling into a ball in her crib. He had to think of her. Always think of her. He had since the day she had been born. "We can't do this here," He started to step out of the room._

"_The window.." Fear. The look in his eyes. Not like she expected. They were empty. Cold. Shocked. _

"_Oh yeah…" He went over, closed it. The room filling with silence. Just their breathing. Jenny's occasional movement. They were frozen to the floor. Staring at each other. Nothing easily read in the other's eyes. Guarded. _

_She stepped out, hoping he'd follow her. Into the living room. Where it was warmer. Safer. He followed quietly. So quietly she jumped when he turned on the light. "Jake…" She wished she could steal the words she had said back. She didn't want to ruin what was between them. Her heart beating against her chest. Almost exploding. _

"_Haley…you don't." _

"_What?" _

"_You just think you do."_

"_No Jake…it isn't…"_

"_I took you in when you needed it. I let you stay. I've helped you build a life here. Away from Tree Hill. Away from Nathan. You own your life now. No one else. You're just…misplacing it." _

"_No…Jake that isn't…" He was putting words in her mouth. In her heart. A heart that was shattering. Into the floor._

"_Please…don't say it again." He pleaded. His eyes wide. Vulnerable. _

_She wanted to cry, to beg him to listen. To believe. But she didn't. She wasn't desperate. She understood. It was clear. Crystal. "Okay," Quiet. Reserved. She had gotten good at hiding her feelings. Her true feelings. _

"_I think you should go," He wouldn't look at her. She begged him with her eyes, but he wouldn't. So she got up and left, running through the darkness toward her apartment. Forgetting her car. Forgetting everything but the pain. _

Georgia heat. Took away the cold. The cold in her heart. The cold of that day. That moment. Always living in her heart. Spiky. Unwilling to be broken. To be forgotten. The pain only made the love more real. More true. A pain she had never truly felt when walking away from Nathan. It hadn't been as hard. To this day that was the hardest day of her life. Letting Jake win. Not arguing the case her heart had.

Her daughter had gone back inside an hour ago. Tired of waiting for her to come inside. Where it was cool. Where summer couldn't be felt. She wanted the summer. To soak into her pores. To remember everything tonight. The good. The bad. The bittersweet. She did once a year. Always remembering.

_Years later. Five years. College was over. She hadn't told him in five years. She felt it every time she saw him. Thought of him. It never left. Always stuck inside. Respecting his wish to never hear it again. She had tried to move on. To fall in love again. But she couldn't. It always went back to him. He was always there to hold her when she cried. To comfort a feigned broken heart. She couldn't let him think her feelings were still there. She wanted him in her life too much. Too much to tell the truth. Getting past her last confession had taken six months. Strained months. But they were okay now._

_Jenny was older. In school now. Her hair darker. Like Haley's. Going back to her roots. Not hiding behind the blonde anymore. Writing songs now. It had become her passion. She didn't make a lot of money, but enough. Chris Kellar would buy songs from her every once in a while. It helped her out a lot. Jake was a local artist, a regional band. He traveled sometimes. Leaving her with Jenny. Jenny who she loved so much. Like she was her own. Nikki hadn't shown up in all these years. Maybe she didn't care anymore. _

"_Growing up fast isn't she?" Jake said as they sat on the front porch, watching Jenny play across the street. _

_Haley took a bite of watermelon, letting the juice drip down her face. "Yeah, she's great." _

"_She really loves you," He smiled._

"_I know," she smiled, her lips shining pink. _

_He took her free hand and squeezed it. His eyes were shining. Slick with tears. Sadness. Regret. Loss. "Thank you,"_

"_For what?" She wanted to ask. To reach out. But she'd wait._

"_Being here all these years."_

"_It's my home now." _

"_Ever miss it?" His voice was low. Sad._

"_What? Tree Hill." She shrugged, "Not really. Just Luke, sometimes. But he comes down a few times a year." _

"_I do," His smile watery. _

"_Why?" Curious. What was the sadness in his eyes? The hesitation in his voice?_

"_I grew up there. Jenny was born there. I've never felt at home here." _

_She had. As soon as she had stepped into the city. It had settled around her. Cloaking her. Welcoming. "Ever think about going back?" They had never talked about Tree Hill in all these years. Why now? Silence. The sun was lowering on the horizon now. Spreading out its orange fingers through the trees in the yard. _

"_I do, you know," His voice soft. Low. Intimate._

"_What?" Inquisitive. Confused._

"_Love you," Words she had been waiting years for him to speak. Words that had lived in her heart. Words that now failed her. Clogging her throat. Never expected it to come true. Dreams like the stars. Small, but expansive. Everywhere. She opened her mouth to speak, but he quietly interrupted. "You need to go home."_

She closed her eyes against the memory. Beauty laced in pain. When she opened them again the world was blurry. Filled with tears. And blue stars. Stars that were shining blue…with eyes that were focused.


	3. Never Forgotten

**Disclaimer: **Don't own OTH, shocker I know.

**A/N: **This is the last and final chapter of this small ficlet. I hope you enjoyed my first attempt at writing a unconventional couple. If you read please review. Thanks to all the people who have, I didn't expect to get as many responses as I did.

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**Chapter III: Never Forgotten**

"_Dancing in my wooden shoes._

_In a wedding gown." _

Faded patches of memory. Of days long since past. Emotions still sharp. Clear. Like stars, burning bright inside her heart. A heart that had never healed in all this time. Never fixed. Never mended. Could never be. Always to contain a hole.

_He had went inside before she could respond. She sat numbly on the porch step. He loved her, but he wanted her to leave. To leave Savannah. Georgia. Her home. The place her heart would always be. To go back. Back to a town that she had always known. A town that held too many mistakes. Mistakes of the past. She could never escape them. Always weighing her down. _

_She clenched her jaw and burst into the house. He was sitting on the couch, head in hands. Tears sliding down his hands into his palms. She had been full of fire. To fight against his demands. But his quiet misery broke her heart. "Jake…" his name filled the room. Breaking into the stillness. He didn't look up, just kept his head buried in his hands. "You can't tell me that…" her voice cracked, "you love me and ask me to leave. I can't."_

"_You have to," his voice was strained. Full of pain. _

"_Not without you," she wanted to throw herself in his arms. She couldn't hide her feelings anymore. Not when he loved her. Her soul glued to his. "I love you." Spilling out of her blue heart. A heart that hadn't dared to dream until now. This moment. Her life becoming new again. Shiny. Precious. _

"_Haley…stop." Always denying her. Pushing her away. Letting her in, but only to a certain point._

"_No," her tone harsh. "You can't do this to me Jake. You can't…make me keep the words inside anymore. I only did because I didn't want to lose you."_

"_You mean Jenny," _

"_No, you. I love Jenny, but she's not the reason I love you. You two…you're my whole world. I have loved you for five years. We've been through so much. You took me in, a wounded bird, and let me figure out how to fly again. To be me. The old Haley. Meeting the new Haley. The best of both. The very best. You saw it…in me. You believed and now I do too." Crying. She wanted to cry now. Her face was wet. She touched it lightly. Tears._

"_It's not simple anymore, Haley." Agony. He didn't want to do this. But he had to. Before he hurt her more._

"_Why? We can just…be together, Jake." _

"_Don't you think I wish we could? To just…kiss you Haley, touch you, make love to you. Once. Just once." His heart ached. Ached for something they could never have. _

"_We can, it's okay." She wanted to step closer, to touch his face, but she couldn't. He still wouldn't look at her. Staring through his hands at the carpeted floor. "I know…you think I feel obligated to you, but I don't. You're the one I want. I'm not a kid anymore. I can tell the difference now. And it's you." Begging. She knew she was begging. Pleading. She couldn't lose him..not when she was so close to having what her heart had wanted so long. So long. _

"_I know, it's not that." Weary. So very weary. Of hiding. Keeping secrets. _

"_Then what is it?" Her heart dropped to her knees. "You can tell me," She came closer, standing in front of him._

_He slowly lifted his head, his brown eyes piercing into hers. She felt her heart stop before beating again more rapidly. "I'm dying." _

_She felt her knees wobble and she fell, he barely caught her arms, letting it be a softer fall. "No," her voice ragged. It couldn't be true. It just couldn't. _

"_It's true, I've known for years. I was in remission for a while and it's back." _

_She dug her fingers into his arms. No. Her brain screamed. Rejecting his words. Pushing them away. Far away. "Can't they do anything?"_

"_No…just let you watch me die. Slowly. Day by day." His eyes filled. Glass in his eyes. "I can't let you do that..I want you to take Jenny to Tree Hill…"_

"_No," she found her voice. Weak. But strong. Determined. "We won't leave you. Not now. We can't let you die alone." _

"_Haley, I…" _

"_Let us love you, let us take care of you." Her eyes were broken. Falling into his. Drowning. Dying with him. He didn't say a word, just pulled her close until her head was buried in his shoulders. She wept. And as she cried into his shoulder, she felt moisture dampen her hair._

She wanted to stop remembering now. To make the stars go away. This was a memory that was always close by. That moment when everything became clear. His rejection. His distance. His fear.

_He tossed on the bed, thrashing violently and then weakly. One or the other. All the time. It had been like this for days. She slept at his bedside, her hand grasping his. He didn't remember much. He lived in his own world. Mumbling incoherently. His mind gone. It wouldn't be long now. Any day she'd lose him forever. Her heart died a little more each day. All of it sitting in his hands. Hands barely strong enough to grip hers. Even though she felt her heart were being beaten every day, she was thankful. To have known him. Loved him for so long. To take care of him in these days. To make it less painful for him. _

_  
He had signed over custody of Jenny weeks ago. He wanted her to be loved. Taken care of. Like Haley. Wanting her to move on after he was gone. To be happy. But she knew she would never wear wooden shoes. Or dance to the song she had written for them. To walk down the aisle. She never would. She knew it. Felt it. There was only room for him. No one else. _

_He gasped, his eyes wide. He stared at her blindly. Not recognizing her. "Tell…." He panted, "Haley…I love her." _

_Her heart fell to the ground. Crushed. Bleeding. "I will," Sometimes he would ramble about her. Moments they had shared. The night under the stars. Other things she couldn't understand, but about her. She felt her presence in his heart. Hoping that somehow he was content. Loving her. Basking in that love. A love so strong nothing could break it. Other times he would talk about Jenny. The day she was born. When she first learned to walk. Started school. _

_Jenny had said goodbye to Jake weeks ago. When death had been close. He hadn't wanted her to watch him die. So she stayed with Jake's family. Not understanding what was happening. Haley hadn't seen her since. Loathing to leave Jake's side. They had tried to put him in a hospital but Haley had refused. Flat out. She wasn't going to let him die in a place like that. _

_Sweat rolled down his forehead. Pale. His skin was so pale. She gently cooed, wiping the sweat away with a wet washcloth, "Shhh…it's okay baby." It wasn't okay. It wasn't fair. She was losing him. More and more each day. Every second. Every hour. Dread would fill her chest. But she wouldn't break down. Not now. Not today. Not while he was still here. She had to keep calm. Pretend. Pretend he wasn't dying. Pretend it didn't hurt. Pretend it wasn't the man she loved. Would always love. Never marry. Never have children with. Never grow old with. _

_A tear slid down her cheek. Splashing against the back of her hand. His breathing became even. Still. Moving slightly. In and out. In slow motion. "Dancing where the stars go blue. Dancing where the evening fell." Her voice was rough. Raw. Full of unshed tears. "Dancing in my wooden shoes. In a wedding…gown." The last word soft. Like a prayer. A hope. A goodbye. Loss of a dream. He was gone now. She rested her head on his still chest. Not willing to give up yet. To let go yet. Tears soaked the sheet that had been covering him. Gone. Gone. Gone. Forever. _

She cried out to the stars. "Why?" She screamed. They just blinked. Mocking her pain. A pain that was old. But always there. "Why did you take him from me?" Rage. Pain. Building in her. Spiraling. She felt dizzy. Always spinning.

The stars never had answers. They just winked at her. Holding their secrets close. Never letting her know the answers to the questions that had plagued her mind for years. And maybe she'd never understand. Maybe there was nothing to understand. It would never change, even if she was dancing in her wooden shoes in a white dress. Her heart marrying the man who had been gone for over a decade. Gone but never forgotten.


End file.
